Music that haunts me

Chitthi na koi sandes, jaane woh kaunsa des jahaan tum chale gaye
(You rest in an unknown place, from where you are unable to send us a letter or a message of your wellbeing)

This is a haunting song, rendered effortlessly by renowned ghazal singer Jagjit Singh. It was featured in a dark movie by the name of 'Dushman' directed by Tanuja Chandra. The story is about twin sisters [double role by Bollywood actress Kajol], in which one of them is brutally raped and killed. The other twin, traumatised and enraged - pushes against all odds to fight for justice. Her struggle forms a large part of the movie - the perpetrator of her sister's death tries to pin her down, to force her to back off.

I just don't know why this song shakes me up so much. There's just something about it that manages to wrench my heart out. I just can't place a finger on what is it that disturbs me.

To begin with, it reminds me of all the people who have passed away in our family - more so, of the untimely demise of my uncle in May 1992 in a car crash. My uncle was on a work assignment in a remote area where his car fell down a ravine. The incident is something I never forget as I was only 10 at that time. This song brings back memories of that horrible day; and I am transported back to what uncle would have experienced in the final moments before his death. The line below expresses just that.

'Koi Aah bhari hogi, humne na suni hogi'
(You would've cried for help, but it was unheard by us as we weren't around)


I remember listening to the song one morning in 2003 when it just came on the radio, and somehow I just couldn't control my emotions. I was sobbing so hard that I had to switch off the radio. Ever since I haven't heard the song even coincidentally, to my luck. Oh and by the way, writing about it here was like unloading my emotions.


Have you heard the song and does it shake you up too? Do you have a similar story; of songs or lyrics that affect you so badly? Leave me a comment!