In the pursuit of Happiness

A few days ago, I was having a little chat with my not-so-young 10 year old about what happiness is really about. He is at this age where he relates the source of happiness to everything materialistic and specifically gadgets. He is surrounded by kids here in the Middle East who have the latest gizmos and spend a lot of time gaming. Their conversations are seemingly centred on who played what, whose online score was higher and the latest updates ... so on and so forth.

 

When recently we were thinking of whether or not to get him his own laptop - I raised my hand in disagreement. Until he has a real need for his own laptop, I don't think it makes sense for us to give him his own. Seeing as there are a couple of laptops in the home already - I thought of it as a nice opportunity to teach him the importance of shared resources.

 

I don't know about other households, but I do tend to place a lot of value on family time and real human interaction. For instance, I expect my children to engage with each other in whichever way they find mutually fun (they are 6 years apart so maybe there's not many games that they can play together). Even if it's just kicking a ball around in the corridor or chasing each other around the house - it's something REAL and tangible and that's what makes it special. When I see them collapsed in fits of laughter, I know then that these rules are so worth it! :)

 

Even though we can afford those gizmos that he so craves - I have limited his gadget usage to TV and his Lenovo Tablet which is password protected - he doesn't know what the password is. I keep a track of how much screen time he is given. And somewhere along the line, I am teaching him to be conscious and aware - to not be simply drowning inside some virtual quicksand.

 

But first as adults, we need to ask ourselves - What do we base our happiness on? Is it external factors all the time, or intrinsic? Are we seeking validation all the time from our social circle or social media OR are we learning to be happy and content on our own? Our children are watching us all the time and imbibing subconsciously.

To summarize, I'd like to think we have to work in tandem. Parenting and teaching life lessons in this day and age is challenging no doubt. If we're not effective role models, we cannot expect our child to learn anything. If you take away all of your child's gadgets BUT you are always busy on your own phone/tablet, it does not make any sense. If you don't give them real alternatives to what else they can do with their time, then is it going to work? I don't think so.

In a couple of decades, my son will not remember his top gaming score but he will surely remember those fist fights with his brother and all those songs they like to sing loudly together.

Those are REAL memories :-) unbeatable, precious and priceless.








 

A decade of parenting

It is a warm Saturday afternoon as I write this. Jr#1 is hanging around watching a movie and Jr#2 is asleep and yes their dad is also asleep in another room.

It is also one of those days when I sit musing about life.

 

Jr#1 turns 10 this month  (YES, He is the then-5-year-old cutie who is in the image you see at the top of my blog)- yikes he is officially entering the double digits :) He has grown up - in more ways than one. I can talk to him on a different level now and he understands more stuff than he ever did so far. He sort of knows the difference between fake emotions and real ones.

 

He also shows a great deal of interest in helping around at home and I let him do it. To illustrate, he washed a few dishes lying around in the sink this morning, for the first time. So far he had only been rinsing his cup or plate and putting it away. I really hope he continues to be responsible and will want to help around like this - I am sure as hell encouraging that.

 

I have vowed that I will never be THAT mom who ends up raising ungrateful kids because she didn't know what went wrong along the way. No parent does it consciously - it just happens. It happens when you don't correct kids when you are supposed to or you let them be slobs, whilst catering to their every whim and fancy. Before you know it - they get used to being treated as royalty and BOOM, one day they're adults and you can't do anything about it, least of all mould them anymore.

 

 

So it has been a decade of parenting for us :) Hubby and me have learned a lot along the way, made some mistakes and worked on rectifying it too. We understood very early that parenting is team work - and it only bodes well when both parents work in tandem.

 

The pre-teen is already starting to throw his weight around and I know that tougher years lie ahead - may it be easier than I imagine it to be. All that rebelling, slamming doors, 'you don't know anything' etc etc - GASP - I guess I'll never know what to anticipate :D

 

Wish me luck ! :) :)

 

 

 

 

MidYear Musings :)

After some of this and some of that - it is officially the middle of 2016. For better or for worse, the changes in this year have definitely brought out the best of me. I discovered "deeply-buried-inside-me" aspects to myself which I did not know were ever there.

 

In June this year, I completed 10 years of staying home (of being a SAHM) after quitting a full-time career which was good while it lasted :) I won't trade those beautiful years in for anything in this world - I got to work with some really fun people who were more my friends than colleagues.

 

I realised early on that I wouldn't be able to juggle the balancing act between motherhood and a full-time job; and so I made the obvious choice. And a beautiful decade it has been ! :) Some awww and hair-raising moments later - the bittersweet experience of parenting has changed hubby and me in ways we never imagined.

 

Speaking of which, Samarth enters double-digits this year - a milestone in any child's life :) He is at this age where he is not a kid any more and neither a teenager nor an adult as yet. It is this beautiful pre-teen phase where he is beginning to discover himself, his peers, his family and also beginning to understand emotions better. I am happy to be around him when he needs me the most - and happy to witness these years. And alongside, I am praying that the teenage rebellion does not hit us too bad when it arrives :D :D For now, we are enjoying each day in its glory!

 

As I write this - I am in the midst of planning Sumedh's 4th birthday next month and simultaneously thinking of a special way to celebrate Samarth's 10th birthday in October. In a couple of years he might want to go hang out with his friends FAR away from parental supervision so I'm going to enjoy his 'I need my parents' age while it lasts :)

 

Meanwhile, I have also been reading SO much on my kindle :D

 

One of the things on my to-do list  is to put together a list of my favourite books from the huge stash which I have read, alongwith my rating. Interestingly, I have been buying books looking at the reviews and not author-wise, so I have read the books of many unknown authors in the process. There are many upcoming writers, Indian as well as non-Indian, whose works are unparalleled. They write compelling stories which we all need to read - of complex emotions, of simple lives.

 

What have you been doing this year? I can't wait to hear all about it :) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrating another birthday :)

Everytime I think of updating the blog, I feel I have nothing to say. But when I sit and think on a daily basis, there are so many thoughts that cross my mind :D Does it happen to you too?

I turned a year older a few days ago - how exciting :D It was a year well spent watching my kids grow and sailing together in the boat which is a symbol of our life together. Through the trials and tribulations of daily life and through smiles and tears. I feel like I get all sentimental around the time it is my birthday and I introspect so much. Which is nice!

Birthdays remind us how blessed we are. How incredibly blessed we are to have a family that loves us and depends on us for their emotional needs and whose faces light up at the very hint of a smile on our face :)

A birthday is less a celebration of the day you were born; but more a commemoration of the life you have led since that day. A birthday is special because it is that one day which reminds you of your life goals and the purpose of your life. The greater purpose.

I definitely remind myself of whatever I wish to achieve this year and I hope to be truthful to it. Everything in our life does not go as planned, but it's ok. It's always OK to have a plan B and use it without guilt if necessary. That's one life lesson from the past year :D :D

 

Life is in the Small Moments :)

When we thought that 2016 has just begun, here we stand 5 days into the second month already! Whoa!

 

I am trying to infuse positivity into my outlook for this year and have decided not to think about anything that is not in my sphere of control for the moment. Every now and then, I find my mind overcrowding with thoughts and it is then that I realize that YES, it is possible for us to control our thoughts and it is in our hands as to what we let affect us.

 

The first month of the year was filled with so many moments, precious and priceless. Taking a good look at both my cubs everyday, I discover in sheer amazement as to how soon they are growing. What the hubby and me are doing is not just raising kids, we are shaping individual personalities and grooming them as humane and empathetic people who will eventually be independent and lead their lives in such stellar ways that make us proud.

 

The little one is so happy to follow in his Anna's footsteps. Sometimes it is literally following every step and tagging behind :D :D So we also tell Anna how important it is to set the right example and how he has to be careful because the little eyes are always watching his every move :)

 

On another note, the hubby and me absolutely delight in making plans for the following weekend even before the ongoing weekend has ended :P Somehow, it perks us up when there is something to look forward to.

 

By the way, it does not have to be anything fancy.

 

Our outings with the kids are mainly to the parks as we are in the midst of a beautiful UAE winter. We sit together and share a few words as the older one cycles around and the younger one climbs monkey bars shrieking in sheer delight and discovers that he can navigate the higher slides without help! :)

 

Life Is In The Small Moments. Those moments that pass us by as we browse idly through a social media feed or anything random. I am guilty of it too. Remedying it one day at a time :)

 

 

Always TRY.

Today, in fact just now this night I just realised that I wrote only a handful of posts on this blog this year. But hey, on the brighter side, I tried! :D

You know, ultimately that's what matters. Whether you TRIED or not. Maybe you are struggling to learn a new skill. Maybe you need to work really hard towards passing an examination. Or maybe it's something else. Never mind. Always remember to try. Even if it feels like forever, remember that every day is like a drop in the ocean. It counts.

So before I start sounding like some life coach, let me quickly write down some of my learnings from this grand year.

1. I am responsible for my own happiness. if I am happy, I automatically radiate happiness towards the people around me. Hubby, kids, family, neighbours, strangers. Everyone.

2. Every step counts. What may feel like a futile exercise today, brings rewards tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow :)

3. Empowerment is not just one of those fancy words. Empower yourself, empower everyone around you. You will automatically feel the positive vibes.

4. Every day is a new experience. Sure I have had my share of those days when nothing seems to be going right and I feel like going and huddling inside my comforter. Sadly on such days, vanishing is not even an option. Therefore, staying in the situation with the head held firmly high is important :)

5. Gratitude. This year, I have cultivated the attitude of gratitude. Work in progress but getting there :)

I have learned so much more, it is too much to even remember and write here. Through the peals of laughter that escaped my throat and through the tears that flowed from my eyes on some occasions - this year was iconic. I guess every year is.

What matters is what we take away from it.

As you may have already guessed :) I am wrapping up this year on my blog with today's post. We are now a fortnight away from waving goodbye to 2015.

Adieu 2015 and here's to a rocking new year 2016. Cheers to more real friendships, more gadget-free times, enjoying with the kids, more travel, and more of understanding myself along the way.






 

Cloud watching :)

On my flight back from Bangalore to Abu Dhabi last week, I was admiring some beautiful cloud formations . They seemed surreal and so beautiful !! :)

Enjoy the pics!

Thinking positive

It's almost the end of 2015. Time to wrap up the year now, analyse the moments and absorb the goodness whilst chucking out the negativity.

If there's one thing I learned this year then it is the power of positive thinking. Oh I know what you must be imagining (What a cliche, everyone says it all the time). If you have been doing it then you know what I mean.

Live today to the best you can and infuse the goodness of today into your full being.

I was never a strong believer in these thoughts until I started to feel the positive effects myself. I couldn't believe that my unvoiced thoughts could actually impact the flow of events in my day and affect my perception of these events.

But you know what? It does. Positive thinking is not just meant to be taught in workshops etc and forgotten. It is meant to be a way of life. And for a good reason.

For example, I am not at all a morning person. I find it very difficult to wake up and function at very early hours. However due to the schedules at home with the kids, I don't have a choice. So I try and infuse a bit of happiness into my morning routine by either observing the birds outside or marvelling at the rising sun and watching some reflections before I enter the kitchen. It really makes a difference and makes me feel better.

Smile more often

Smile at your kids, smile at your spouse and smile for no reason at all. Maintaining a cheerful disposition makes you feel good from the inside. If you can't think of even one thing that makes you smile then gosh, you aren't really looking at the brighter side of life. Smiling does not make our troubles vanish but it makes them easier to bear.

Many things in life are out of our control

Dwelling on these things will only make us sadder. Instead, think of what you are grateful for and keep reminding yourself of this. If it is in our hands then we should work on changing it, else set it aside.


It is very difficult to think positive all the time but believe me when I say that I have met people who really manage it 24x7. So it is not impossible. Just try and I guarantee you will feel a sense of inner healing and happiness.

After all, our happiness impacts our health and we should always strive to be happy by ourselves and not depend on the rest of the world.

Can money buy real happiness?

A couple of months ago, I was a part of this online debate about money vs happiness. Can money buy happiness? I had documented my views here on my laptop before posting it online and just today I stumbled upon it. Before deleting, I thought of putting it right up here on my blog to share it with my dear readers :)

Here goes!

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Money cannot buy real happiness. It can only be a means to attain happiness that is derived through the acquisition of material things. But there is no end to it and it is a vicious circle. If someone thinks that acquiring the latest designs in clothes, shoes etc or the latest gadgets will make them happier, then they are completely mistaken. In fact, it will make them unhappier because these brands will soon release newer designs and bigger gadgets. In a few months, these gadgets would be obsolete.

 

The simplest things that make us happy in life are FREE. Sharing a cup of coffee with a loved one, watching the sun set, feeling the cool breeze on your face, watching an animal cuddle its little one, hearing a baby's laughter - these are just a few.

 

At the same time, we cannot rule out that money is important in life and it helps us live a better quality of life. It would help us afford a bigger apartment, a better school for our children and of course savings for a better future. One thing is for sure: Money is always enough for our needs but it is never enough for our greed. Real happiness lies in the intangible elements of our life - those which we cannot see, only what we can experience.

 

A mega millionnaire living in the biggest mansion could indeed admit that he is happy because of all the money he has and the entourage of staff that waits on him and attends to his every need. But what brings an instant smile on his face? I will tell you : It could be during a journey where he is passing by that hole-in-the-wall eatery where he went with his college classmates - where they made memories when noone had the money. He would be genuinely happy from his heart while eating food cooked by his mother with a lot of love, and laughing with his siblings.

 

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So dear reader, tell me. Does money make you happy? If you had lesser money in your pocket today than you did yesterday; would you still be equally happy? Do you know how to make each day a happy one, regardless of the material comforts you may have that day? If the answer to these questions is yes, then you have hit the bulls-eye :)

 

 

 

 

Parenting challenges : Dealing with your child's public meltdowns

There was this really interesting topic being discussed on an online forum that I am a part of, just last week.

Q: How do you deal with your child's very loud tantrum in public : Especially if it on a flight where you can't even move out anywhere?

Here is what I wrote :)

I feel envious of all parents who have calm and composed kids on whom traditional parenting strategies have worked. We also thought all kids were nice and calm and manageable because Samarth was and still is one at nearly 9 years.

That was: UNTIL we had Sumedh. Sumedh is mostly a very happy and well adjusted toddler today but prone to bouts of whining and very loud tantrums in public :) On his worst day, we just keep praying that we are out of that place soonest!

We had to learn a lot for Sumedh's sake and I can proudly say that we are on the right track. Almost all of his unnecessary whining and crying in public has stopped because we have introspected.

1.We dont go out during his nap time and if we happen to be out then we do take a break when he can nap.

2. Main meals are always offered on time and snacks are always on hand.

Lack of the above makes him very antsy. We watched his behaviour and saw that  if he was well rested and well fed then he didn't really throw tantrums and scream as much.

Sumedh turned 3 yesterday :D The last 3 years have been quite a journey with him but we have emerged happier and stronger. We stumbled, we learned and are still learning.

The Bottom line: Every child  is different and it is up to the parent to identify the underlying issue and understand it. Children don't throw tantrums for the heck of it. They are sending out signals for something they cannot express.

Hot, Hotter, Hottest!

 

 

Middle of the year already ! June is upon us and how? The mercury is soaring here in Abu Dhabi and no amount of airconditioning can stop the fatigue from creeping upon us. It is officially that time of the year when we in the Middle East, hibernate into the comfort of our pre-cooled abodes and stay there till September :D

Talk about global warming. A few days ago, the temperatures hit a scary 50c at Sweihan in Abu Dhabi, making the UAE the hottest country in the world that day! And if this is how it is now, just imagine what July and August will look like. Hmph!

Oh and it is also summer holiday time in a few weeks from now. Maybe you are travelling to some exotic destination. Or if you are an expat then maybe you are travelling home to visit family.

Or maybe you are not doing anything at all and just staying home. Like Me. Yaaay High-Fives! Yup I am staying home this summer and instead having family over in August! :D Keeping the older one occupied won't be tough as he can be shuffled off to summer camp but I'm already looking for creative ideas to keep my toddler occupied :) water play included!

I look forward to lots of time indoors, catching up on movies and taking my kids to indoor play zones. Though it is really difficult because boys being boys - they just HATE staying cooped at home!

What are you doing this summer? Share your plans with me :) Would love to hear !